Life without goals...

Though of that tittle while thinking back about my short pass of 20 years?

Notice that after Dec 15 where goal of getting married and starting a family is gone, it make me feel that all the things i am doing is meaningless. The plans, the surprise, the trips. some I have achieved but rather pointless.

a random of sadness on a Monday (guess is Monday blue wahaha).

Guess now not the time to go through the sadness and settle all the trouble is that in my way. Quite pissed with things...

Regards,
RainMaker

日有所思，夜有所梦

Woke up 0300H. dreamed about her. a funny dream where i stood up for her stopping people bully her. I wonder why am I doing that.

After waking up, I started to worry for her not long before it hit me, who am I to worry for her. Dunno what right i have to do that.

Sometime I really dunno what I should be doing.  I want to do something yet I am a fright of how her will see me as. Sad to say i rather be deem as a heartless guy then a pathetic guy begging to have the relationship back. I guess it is the guys ego/pride at work.

This thing suddenly hit me when I am typing. How much do I love her still? I still have feeling for her, that for sure, thought I keep telling myself to stop it. Yet I am still dreaming about her. So I really dunno how to answer myself.

Regards,
RainMaker

Getting over it Part 2

That a very fast part 2 I am having...

Now is late at night, miss her is one thing,  wondering if she is ok is another. I guess now I don't really know what I want.

Today I had a chat with Nata, thz her for listening to my grandmother story :p a bit sad think that i should have talk to her like in dec. We shared a bit of the relationship, maybe I don't understand girls. ( I believe none of the guys will) But after the short chat with her, I felt that the things she says make sense. maybe i don't feel certain things but the girls felt it. I felt it is ok but they might not.

I was asked by nata this question. If I still love her? sad to say yes, i still do. but my head is saying impossible. don't waste your time and energy. it is a very contradicting feeling i want to do something yet there is really nothing i can do unless i want to be deem as a pest and create trouble/inconvenience to her.

How I wish eve will so happen to see this post and tell me still love me... but what are the chances... if we really do love each other why will we do those things... it hurts to see those message and hurt to see how she behaviour now...

I guess I am deem as escaping from the problem, quitting the group she is in. But i am taking it as safe guard myself from getting more wound.

To sum things up, today I just had that regret that a relationship that i though will last ended just like that.

"The right girl will bring out the hero in you"


Regards,
RainMaker

Getting over it Part 1

Decided to have that topic so hopefully can let me get over with my pass relationship. Which I will say I am still not over it.

Don't ask me why but I had dream of us patching back for a few times. But I believe that is not going to happen. be it my pride or ego, it is making me unable to be the first to apologise or head down for it. But ultimately I need to get over this.

guess this is another place for me to rattle off what I have in my mind and no worrying anyone giving any look. well if those who know me personally and is reading it, got to say thz for reading and trying to understand me a bit more ^^.

Regards,
Rain Maker

A week in Tanjong Pagar...

On course this whole week >.< interesting thing that I had done is finally got myself contact lens :p

rather scary to put and takeout the contact lens >.< suddenly I wonder how many people will notice me wearing contact lens :p

having 4 more pair :p of daily usage :p but I guess I will use them only when required? or let me think about it :p This Sat sound like a good day to use it

Regards,
RainMakerSc

That Feeling again

Having that feeling again, remembering all the things we being through, the happy, upset and angry times we had with each other...

don't ask me why but that feeling just came to me. Making me wonder what went wrong? the more i think about it the more i am confuse and lost and dunno what is wrong.

I though I am through with this but I guess not. Maybe they are right I should start finding someone else to replace her.

I feel that is not right... rather let myself suffer alone then dragging another person in when I am not ready... perhaps I should just make more new friends.

Funny thing is as I am typing this, i started to recall my pass 2 relationship.

First was a 2~3 years relationship which I have no idea why we are together... Or at least the other party don't have the feeling i guess while i just like O Ok...

The most recent one is a relationship of 6 years. It kinda set me thinking and wondering have I done something wrong? I would say this relationship I am serious. Where if you asked me i will tell you I want to marry her. Yet after all this time together, she told me she don't have the feeling. It hurt me very badly when she say lets just be friends. but what hurt me even more is her saying those words to me being very emotionally, it make me feel that there is some reason behind it but she not willing to tell me.

the hardest choice is between giving up or keep trying... Honestly speaking I want to keep trying but I care that why I give up. Maybe just me feeling inferior about myself, her having a better family background compare to mine. Being a degree holder and what am I? just a diploma holder. If i really compare myself to other guys I am 100% sure she can find someone better then me.

To tell the truth how i wish she will suddenly text me and say she want it back together... but i know that is not going to happen. so got to just do my best to forget about it...

Time to get a drink tml night...

Chinese New Year

This year CNY it felt like it is not a CNY. Just another normal day.

working on first day of CNY. I am wondering how should i go about telling them that i am leaving?

Maybe I should just go ahead and do it and not worries how others thinks about me.

feeling confused and troubled >.<

Scouting Name - Why am I called Rain Maker ?

A random night post before I sleep... just wondering if any one know why I am called the Rain Maker?

Incase you still do not know that Rain Maker is my scouting name ^^

And a scouting name is given to a scout when the scout leader deem you are worthy of the scouting name.

This is what Rain Maker means:

Rainmakers keep peace and tranquillity possible in the Red Indian Tribe. They are associated with the proper harvesting of food crops. They are often referred to as medicine men that are consulted in times of crisis. They form part of the elders who sees to the growth of the young ones in the tribe and to further the traditions through them...

Make a Guess for the rest of the part or ask me about it ^^

Yours In Scouting,

Rain Maker